somethingamazing

It’s over. Or at least the hard parts. Grandmother passed away on the 23rd of this month at 8:20am. I was able to visit her the night before though unfortunately I wasn’t awake for her final moments. It was very sad seeing her, knowing that if she was able to talk she would likely be telling me how proud she was and how much she enjoyed my company. I sat with her and held her hand, told her stories I remembered, reflected on wisdom that she had given to me throughout her life, and reiterated how much I loved her and that I would miss her until I saw her again in heaven.

Death inevitably invokes the subject of religion and the existence of god(s) and/or an afterlife whether that be Heaven, reincarnation, or some other means of eternal existence. I believe in God (the Christian sort) and certainly believe that when I die, I’ll be with him in heaven, not because I’m a good person or anything like that, but instead because I believe that Jesus died for me and my sins (along with all of yours). I don’t see any reason I shouldn’t be allowed to believe such a thing so I think it’s silly to feel any sort reason to hide that belief.

Now the thing I have trouble understanding is how people can live without some sort of belief towards a higher power. I completely agree that it could be seen as an excuse or catch-all solution to the things we don’t understand, but I’m not talking about that. I’m not asking how you feel about abortion, gay marriage, or something a little more scientific like evolution, as I, for one, don’t really think the political matters are even worth discussion for the most part. As for the scientific contexts, I’m going to simply state that God and science will agree regardless of whether or not we understand those respective fields.

No, instead I’m asking you how you can stand to exist without a God. Your existence is, unfortunately, meaningless without one.

Fun fact: there are about 3 billion base pairs in the human genome. In 32 generations, your contribution to that DNA would be less than 1 billionth of your current makeup. In about 36 generations, you have about a 0% chance of having any genetic contribution to these future DNA sequences at all.

Most of us will take jobs doing things that others could easily accomplish, almost like we’re just interchangeable parts in a massive system of commerce. For a second, let’s assume that you do become one of the few influential people that people talk about for generations to come. About the best thing that could happen would be that you change the course of history through some technological or political means or have some widely used thing named after you. Even then, your legacy will only extend for as long as humanity exists.

It is far more likely that we put ourselves through a nuclear holocaust or some scientist screws up and annihilates everything with some fancy use of the LHC than the sun swallowing us up in a few billion years, but the end result is still the same: humans cease to exist.

Even if we do jump ship and send colonies out into space, all of the suns out there will eventually burn out, become black holes, or explode. The universe doesn’t have an infinite amount of energy. In the span of infinity, all of the events that have taken place since the birth of our cosmos are entirely irrelevant if it all ends the same way.

Even on a relatively microscopic scale, our personal existence on this Earth will likely go unnoticed by more than 99.99% of its population; even more so at the rate the earth’s population is increasing.

I am not saying all this to degrade life, but I do wonder what the point of living is without eternal significance. I think if that were the case, I would much rather not exist.

Had a little bit of a falling out with someone today. It’s a little sad because I know they don’t realize how much they’ll have to learn before the real world will allow them to succeed (or at least be happy for that matter). I really wish people would be a little more selfless because with that comes care, love, and understanding.

In other news, flying gives me an odd sense of tranquility. It’s comforting to be that much more aware of how little this all matters.

It is apparently far too easy to take a good picture.  There are tons of them out there.  How can so many things be so interesting?  And more importantly, why can’t I seem to take them?

In other news, I can’t recall anything that was as quite as mean as a comment made to me today.  You wouldn’t really even think something so short and simple could have such an effect.  I’m still kind of shocked.  I even cried a little.

I’ve always said that I think people are terrible on the inside.  I think it’s pretty evident in everyday life and not just in all the awful stories you hear about people killing their kids and beating up their wives.  It’s evident in the way people treat each other, what they say when nobody is listening, and the selfish thoughts that fly through our heads.  I’m certainly not suggesting that it’s impossible for people to rise to the occasion - it happens quite often - though I am stating that unguarded and uncontrolled the product of the natural behavior of man is a pretty tragic existence.

So now what?  Forgive and forget.  In the end, the specifics aren’t too terribly important.

Of Departure and Regret

I’ve been speaking to my Grandmother a bit lately, and I think it’s just starting to hit me that she’s dying. She’s currently in the hospital and has opted to try chemotherapy in order to extend her life for as little as six months. She’s doing all of that just to see her 3 grandchildren get their start in life.

I’m just so sad that I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything in the last couple of years. She won’t see me graduate, get married, or probably even know what career path I take. I just don’t really have anything to show her.

You are terrible at being honest.

It’s more about why you’re afraid of what the truth makes you than it is about telling the truth.  If what you are is undesirable, then there’s just a problem with your life that you need to fix.  Whether or not you reveal that truth to others is irrelevant.